New 2024 Olympic Sport: Old Man Basketball 👴🏻🏀

Don't sweat it! The guys do that better than you.

Aug 02, 2024

Satire News from The Comedy Muse with no politics! Subscribe to have my articles emailed to you with no spam!

Did you hear about the new 2024 Olympic sport Old Man Basketball? Well this new Old Man’s Basketball team has what it takes in crunch time. Why? Every second of the day is crunch time for them. Seriously, their knees and backs can’t take much more. They’ve got so many seasons under their belt you might think Mother Nature is actually their mom. You know they’ve got the gold because they’re in their golden years. They’re a bunch of hard nosed, hard workin’, lunch pail type of guys who also bring their lunch in a literal pail that they eat during breaks at the pail factory.

Participants have been quoted:

“Now this is a real sport! Not like those overpaid diva's in the NBA. They should be working in a Lowe’s or a library and getting things off high shelves like they’re supposed to!” -Old Man Jenkins

“You’ll never see a travel in this league! My knees hurt so much I never take more steps than necessary.” -Shaky Legs Smith

“Only a real athlete has a triple double in the morning then pulls a double (shift) at work!” - Iron Mike Johnson

The rules are much more restrictive than professional basketball:

Players must be over 220 lb
Have 3 or more kids
Practice is forbidden during 8 - 5 working hours unless you’re pulling nights
Both teams must wear reversible pennies that are red or blue. They must hand them to the next team after playing and the next team must squeeze out the sweat themselves.
Must have at least 1 chronic joint injury
Must run the 40 m. in 8 sec. or more
Have a vertical invisible to the naked eye
Capable of producing 1 liter of sweat in a game to 12 scoring 1’s and 2’s

According to these rules the only current NBA player eligible is: