207 Comments

Your contribution to this discussion is, without a shadow of a doubt, of exceptional calibre. Particularly commendable is your astute observation concerning the propensity of certain individuals to excessively embellish their prose with a plethora of synonyms and unduly ostentatious terminology. It is indeed a rare and admirable skill to discern the fine line between the eloquent augmentation of one's linguistic expressions and the superfluous overindulgence in grandiloquent verbiage, which, alas, serves not to elucidate but to obfuscate the intended purport of their discourse. Your perspicacity in highlighting this all-too-common pitfall contributes significantly to the ongoing endeavour to refine our communicative practices, ensuring that clarity and precision remain paramount in our quest for effective and meaningful exchange.

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Ugg, me agree. No like big words. Big words make Thalia angry.

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Indubitably.

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If you eliminate all the spaces between the words, this reads like the longest German word to describe the perfect Substack post! 😁😁

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Truly priphrastic😵‍💫🥰Bravo‼️

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🤣😂🤣🙃👏👏👏 perfectly put!

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12. The clueless kind, deer in the headlights (aka me)

Just writing b/c it brings me joy & topic interests me. But have no clue or time or energy for how to advertise properly, how to ‘hack’ growth or do compelling Notes or read and comment on the successful writer posts. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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I don't think anyone has any idea other than "post to social media"

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That is me as well. I write because for writing’s sake because I enjoy it. I would say build your following in subscribers one person at a time. Try to get a solid set of readers who will want to to read what you write. Also, I try to improve with every article, and giving people my best, quality work.

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Absolutely agree! I think this is a sustainable way for me too.

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This fits me better than the categories in initial essay. As all writers seeking publication know — if it don’t fit, you gotta go elsewhere.

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Welcome to this category along with me :)

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Oh, here I am!

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Welcome to the club! 🥲😅

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Nervously reading to see if I fit into one of these.

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She is your friend now, "Big Philly." You are stuck w/ her. (She'll block me now)

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I can relate to this.

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We all fit into two of them, like a couple of chipmunks in a burlap sack fronting as a writer with human skin.

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Aren’t these hilarious, Big Philly?! I especially like #5, but where do I find papyrus paper?

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As we all know, a true writer will make their own.

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Haha indeed!

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Spot on! Just throw in the people complaining about the other social networks while pretending Substack isn't just Instagram-for-writers.

I think I'm basic at heart, but embarrassment (no, let's call it self-awareness) saves me in the end. I have written the freshman and writer advice posts, saved them to drafts for two months, and then deleted them. Does that count?

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I think that means you're safe. 😄

The complaining about other social networks is a good one!

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I feel personally attacked by a couple of these LOL

Seriously though, this is good stuff - well played! :-)

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I think I covered 90% of Substack including myself.

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Agreed.

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For like half a second, I felt a little attacked by The Wordsmith description. But I was so distracted by the photos of SHINY, HAPPY, AI PEOPLE I forgot to be bothered anymore. This is great!

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Glad my disarming robots worked 😂

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I've hilariously been able to avoid all of these intuitively.... I feel like I've passed a secret insecurity test within myself. May the gods of substack allow me to boost my tiny ego; only for your follow up article to hopefully shoot it down once again..

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Thank God I miss them all. Just focusing on exploring Counterintuitive insights from technology, innovation, philosophy, psychology, and more.

https://www.polymathicbeing.com/about

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Uh oh, prepare for round 2!

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I cracked up at this. This is an amazing post and I loved it. I don't think I am a basic substacker based on these points

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That's not possible!

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OMG going forward, I am going to try SO HARD to be ALL 11 , ALL THE TIME. So funny! Loved this post so much! Thank you!!!!

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Wordsmith here.

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Nice. My guess is wordsmith might be the most popular one on Substack

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Probably, although I'd say SEO optimizer/subscriber growth advisor is definitely in the running.

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Yeah. It is hilarious the amount of articles to grow your Substack by a tiny amount.

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Haha In my “other” life (outside of Substack), I’m an editor (you know, the usual, books/magazine articles, etc.), but I’m also a digital content editor and the hardest part is getting SEO specialty writers to develop a knack for keyword placement that DOES NOT read in awkward SEO ways. It’s a struggle.

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Yeah. I can see some of them use symbols in their name that are illegible but I'm sure increase site ranking.

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Substacker who just posts Notes with ostensibly deep quotes above pictures of famous people

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Haha nice

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Hahaha, what a funny post.

I am definitely the health expert who tells people to go back to ancient eating techniques and abandon the ultra-processed foods we indulge in. But didn't more people die when they did eat this simple and nutritious food ;)

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Yeah. I roasted myself with that one too!

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Oh thank god I'm just over here writing about They Might Be Giants songs.

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Truly not basic haha

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Fulfill all 11? GOALS.

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This was a trick to weed out bots since #11 is a bot. Haha!!!

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You had me at "I've been on Substack for less than six months."

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😂 Truly an expert

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