211 Comments
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Tom Ayling 🐢's avatar

Your contribution to this discussion is, without a shadow of a doubt, of exceptional calibre. Particularly commendable is your astute observation concerning the propensity of certain individuals to excessively embellish their prose with a plethora of synonyms and unduly ostentatious terminology. It is indeed a rare and admirable skill to discern the fine line between the eloquent augmentation of one's linguistic expressions and the superfluous overindulgence in grandiloquent verbiage, which, alas, serves not to elucidate but to obfuscate the intended purport of their discourse. Your perspicacity in highlighting this all-too-common pitfall contributes significantly to the ongoing endeavour to refine our communicative practices, ensuring that clarity and precision remain paramount in our quest for effective and meaningful exchange.

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Ugg, me agree. No like big words. Big words make Thalia angry.

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Tom Ayling 🐢's avatar

Indubitably.

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Gérard Mclean's avatar

If you eliminate all the spaces between the words, this reads like the longest German word to describe the perfect Substack post! 😁😁

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Bobby's avatar

Truly priphrastic😵‍💫🥰Bravo‼️

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Hudson E Baldwin lll's avatar

🤣😂🤣🙃👏👏👏 perfectly put!

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Andee D.'s avatar

12. The clueless kind, deer in the headlights (aka me)

Just writing b/c it brings me joy & topic interests me. But have no clue or time or energy for how to advertise properly, how to ‘hack’ growth or do compelling Notes or read and comment on the successful writer posts. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

I don't think anyone has any idea other than "post to social media"

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Rainey Mitchell (L.E.E)'s avatar

That is me as well. I write because for writing’s sake because I enjoy it. I would say build your following in subscribers one person at a time. Try to get a solid set of readers who will want to to read what you write. Also, I try to improve with every article, and giving people my best, quality work.

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Andee D.'s avatar

Absolutely agree! I think this is a sustainable way for me too.

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Glenn Ingersoll's avatar

This fits me better than the categories in initial essay. As all writers seeking publication know — if it don’t fit, you gotta go elsewhere.

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Andee D.'s avatar

Welcome to this category along with me :)

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Daniel Henderson's avatar

Oh, here I am!

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Andee D.'s avatar

Welcome to the club! 🥲😅

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Philip “Big Philly” Smith's avatar

Nervously reading to see if I fit into one of these.

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jacob silverman's avatar

She is your friend now, "Big Philly." You are stuck w/ her. (She'll block me now)

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Liana Kruger's avatar

I can relate to this.

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Gérard Mclean's avatar

We all fit into two of them, like a couple of chipmunks in a burlap sack fronting as a writer with human skin.

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Samantha Gluck's avatar

Aren’t these hilarious, Big Philly?! I especially like #5, but where do I find papyrus paper?

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

As we all know, a true writer will make their own.

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Samantha Gluck's avatar

Haha indeed!

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Madeline's avatar

Spot on! Just throw in the people complaining about the other social networks while pretending Substack isn't just Instagram-for-writers.

I think I'm basic at heart, but embarrassment (no, let's call it self-awareness) saves me in the end. I have written the freshman and writer advice posts, saved them to drafts for two months, and then deleted them. Does that count?

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

I think that means you're safe. 😄

The complaining about other social networks is a good one!

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Stone Bryson's avatar

I feel personally attacked by a couple of these LOL

Seriously though, this is good stuff - well played! :-)

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

I think I covered 90% of Substack including myself.

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Liana Kruger's avatar

Agreed.

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Kristine Neeley's avatar

For like half a second, I felt a little attacked by The Wordsmith description. But I was so distracted by the photos of SHINY, HAPPY, AI PEOPLE I forgot to be bothered anymore. This is great!

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Glad my disarming robots worked 😂

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Austin Muhs's avatar

I've hilariously been able to avoid all of these intuitively.... I feel like I've passed a secret insecurity test within myself. May the gods of substack allow me to boost my tiny ego; only for your follow up article to hopefully shoot it down once again..

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Michael Woudenberg's avatar

Thank God I miss them all. Just focusing on exploring Counterintuitive insights from technology, innovation, philosophy, psychology, and more.

https://www.polymathicbeing.com/about

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Uh oh, prepare for round 2!

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Polymath Jess's avatar

I cracked up at this. This is an amazing post and I loved it. I don't think I am a basic substacker based on these points

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

That's not possible!

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Anne Kadet's avatar

OMG going forward, I am going to try SO HARD to be ALL 11 , ALL THE TIME. So funny! Loved this post so much! Thank you!!!!

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Robert Walrod's avatar

Wordsmith here.

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Nice. My guess is wordsmith might be the most popular one on Substack

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Robert Walrod's avatar

Probably, although I'd say SEO optimizer/subscriber growth advisor is definitely in the running.

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Yeah. It is hilarious the amount of articles to grow your Substack by a tiny amount.

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Samantha Gluck's avatar

Haha In my “other” life (outside of Substack), I’m an editor (you know, the usual, books/magazine articles, etc.), but I’m also a digital content editor and the hardest part is getting SEO specialty writers to develop a knack for keyword placement that DOES NOT read in awkward SEO ways. It’s a struggle.

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Yeah. I can see some of them use symbols in their name that are illegible but I'm sure increase site ranking.

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Adam's avatar

Substacker who just posts Notes with ostensibly deep quotes above pictures of famous people

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Rose Lusin's avatar

Hahaha, what a funny post.

I am definitely the health expert who tells people to go back to ancient eating techniques and abandon the ultra-processed foods we indulge in. But didn't more people die when they did eat this simple and nutritious food ;)

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Yeah. I roasted myself with that one too!

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Chase Roper's avatar

Oh thank god I'm just over here writing about They Might Be Giants songs.

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

Truly not basic haha

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Julie Fontes's avatar

Fulfill all 11? GOALS.

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

This was a trick to weed out bots since #11 is a bot. Haha!!!

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Logan Darrow's avatar

You had me at "I've been on Substack for less than six months."

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⚡Thalia The Comedy Muse⚡'s avatar

😂 Truly an expert

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