Philippines Popularize ANOTHER Weapon of War/Children's Toy
No matter how you cut it!
Another toy/weapon of war is sweeping the globe from the Philippines!!! The same nation that popularized the yoyo and butterfly knife!
The Philippines are the ultimate purveyors in toys capable of tricks AND destroying digits, puncturing pinchers, flogging phalanges, wounding wigglers, goring grabbers, and filleting fingies.
Their newest toy will make your head spin…
CHECKOUT THE NEW RAZOR SPINNER!!!
You may think, “Wow! It looks like they just taped several box cutters to a fidget spinner.” You’d be surprised to learn…
That’s exactly what it is!!!
With the advent of Amazon warehouses in the Philippines, many Filipino workers were desperate to use the bathroom during their 16 hour shift so they invented the razor spinner. It is capable of improving box opening speeds by up to 500% and denied workman comp claims by up to 10,000%. Workers naturally have been giving it to their children who have grown tired of the simplicity and lack of danger with yoyos and butterfly knives.
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It has sparked a new global trend for children not seen since Tide Pods. Kids usually film themselves opening boxes at Amazon facilities which Amazon has approved wholeheartedly.
Jeff Bezos has jumped on the bandwagon saying, “Amazon loves children and always supports children’s sports like Amazon Box Opening Races or Amazon Paycheck Shredding Contests! We find kids love to do these for fun and no pay!”
If you feel like the razor spinner is too dangerous feel free to try out these classic beginner trick toys from the Philippines which are much safer.
The Yoyo
It should probably just be called the yo because 90% of people take one and let it fall. Very few get to the second yo. Then when it doesn’t bounce up, they try to wind it up. Then they realize that also doesn’t work. If they are a boy under the age of 10 they will then swing it like a lasso and try to take out the nearest adult male’s family jewels or the drywall. Speaking of which, don’t let any contractors give these to your children. They know what they’re doing.
The Butterfly Knife
Some Filipino must have took one look at a pocket knife and thought, “Wow, who wants to use something that safe??? How about I make it so the knife swings around and I could do tricks with it!!! Then to close it, you just swing it towards your fingers!!! Brilliant!!!”
(Alternate theories revolve around needing something that can chop ingredients for pancit faster.)
This article is dedicated to my cousins’ Filipino grandma Lola who just died. RIP.
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I often fail to reach the second yo in yoyo 🤣