Kelce Cries Knowing Rocky is Still Philly's No. 1

Still not as good as a fictional character

Jason Kelce, the Philadelphia offensive lineman, retired today. His brother Travis who is dating Taylor Swift showed up for support. Both started crying. He said he was emotional thinking of all the great times he had playing football but according to our sources it was because he knows he can never beat Rocky. Rocky has his own statue in Philadelphia. Many historic athletes have come and gone but it seems that they all pale in comparison.

“How am I supposed to beat a fictional character? Dude took 50 punches straight to the face and kept trucking! That’s like me wearing out their offensive line by getting pancaked every play!”

Sources also confirm he wasn’t crying because he has to fix that faucet at his house that keeps dripping, hang out with his mom and Taylor Swift in the box at every game now, or (tears of joy) see if he can finally drink his wife and children’s total body weight in beer.

He loved the game of football, a game he and Travis played in their backyard. They would go through real life game situations like, “One second left Travis. You have to score. OHHHHH NOOOOOO!!!!!!! JASON SACKED TRAVIS AND GAVE HIM A PINECONE WEDGIEEEEEE!!!”

Good luck in retirement Jason.