how to go viral by lowering you're iq

flowers for algo none

Jan 21, 2025

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you’re massive intellect is holding you back on the internet. yes, i’m sure you have suspected this for a long time. don’t worry i’m right there with you. i achieved 300% growth in my first four months on substack by going from 8 to 24 subscribers. the unbridled success i experienced in that time frame was not an accident.

but what’s the secret? 👇

you need to lower you’re intelligence.

your too smart

here is the distribution of human intelligence

*if you are reading this AND you are subscribed to me, i am sorry this graphic is too narrow to show how far to the right you’re intelligence is.

notice the cluster of people around the center? that’s a lot of people! who knew so many people have an average intellect???

algorithms

the problem with algorithms is that popular things go viral. unfortunately for you, that means normies run the internet. Whatever appeals to the average intelligence will be pushed to the forefront, while geniuses like you are relegated to the outskirts of internet society.

since you’re intelligence is in the 0.00001% you have a choice:

try and swim against the tidal wave of brain rot coming towards you

-or-

surf that wave of mediocrity and stay at the top by lowering you’re iq

how to lower you’re iq

it’s very simple. here are some tricks.

meditation

take up meditation. repeat a mantra to get in the mindset of a dumb person. this is my favorite:

DUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

find a quiet place and repeat it over and over. feel the intelligence leaving you’re body. if you feel some logic pop up, push it aside. you don’t have thoughts. other people’s thoughts are you’re own. can you feel you’re emotions? good. let those override everything. you’re mind is a blank canvas. a canvas a preschooler is finger painting on.

dangerous hobbies

try these hobbies known to give brain damage:

boxing - this is a great sport to jog the ole’ noodle. some people have a problem where they are so good at it, they never get knocked out. in that case, I advise playing against people waaaaaay bigger and better than you early in you’re career. also try watching rocky movies for the style you should use. wear them out by letting them punch you’re face!
bungee jumping - figure out the length it would take for you to barely miss the ground. then add 1 ft more to the bungee cord.
slap fighting - if getting a concussion were a sport, this is it. again, make sure you fight way above you’re weight class and skill!
board games - category games like apples to apples or cards against humanity are great. you are completely dependent on others to win. it’s like a bunch of teenage girls gamified being part of the cool kids club. you are voted in or out based on characteristics that are arbitrary and unknowable. in a desperation to win, you will have to undergo a type of brain deadening hypnosis that brings you down to the group level. fun!
celebrity gossip news - science says that watching 30 min. of these shows kills enough brain cells that you would be better off getting t-boned by a semi truck on the highway at 80 mph.
reality tv - since every episode contains an extremely absurd controversy, it’s great for untraining your brain of all the good lessons you’ve ever learned. you might want to implement some of their mistakes into you’re own life!

bad internet habits

doomscrolling - this accustoms you’re brain to having thoughts put in you’re head that you don’t control. great for killing logic AND creativity! bonus points if you do it slack-jawed with you’re eyes half open.
arguing - arguing on the internet is like wrestling with a pig. the pig likes it and your both covered in mud at the end. don’t try to convince me otherwise.
fail videos - watch these like game tape. is there anything dumber that you could be doing? maybe pose for pictures while a gigantic wave is behind you? have someone throw something at you while you’re eyes are closed? have a child hit a baseball on a tee that is crotch height while you are only 3 ft away? grab onto a rope swing that’s perched above a dangerous ravine when you are 300 lb and two of you’re friends are already holding on? the possibilities are endless.