Amazon Losing Extreme Market Share to Public Libraries

"Read em' and weep." -Libraries

According to anonymous sources, Jeff Bezos was seen clutching at the hem of librarian Mrs. Becking’s jean dress, begging for her to back off on her steel willed, merciless, onslaught of one of America’s largest businesses.

“PLEASE TAKE IT EASY ON ME!!! I’M GONNA GO BANKRUPT!! I HAVE SHAREHOLDERS AND A FAMILY TO LOOK AFTER!!!” shrieked Bezos.

“Sush Jeffery. Keep it down. There are people trying to read here.” whispered Mrs. Becking.

“BUT I CAN’T LOWER THE PRICES MORE THAN FREEEEE!!! C’MOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!”

“Then you’ll have to kiss my ring just like Barnes, Noble and Borders did.”

(smooch) “But that didn’t help Borders at all…”

“That’s the risk you take in the book business. How’s your streaming service doing by the way. Are you able to compete with our free dvd’s?”

“You know the answer.”

“Anyways get off the floor and stop groveling like some pathetic mutt. I’ll see you at the next book sale. Also make sure you pay your $0.75 fine. Some tech titan you are.”

(Broken shell of a man Bezos weeps uncontrollably)

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